we really do have more fun

It's no secret that sometimes I have a hard time taking my profession seriously.

Well...it's no secret that sometimes I have a hard time taking LIFE seriously, so pretending to be other people as a profession really never had a chance in the first place.

So here I am back in the audition circuit. Since my 30 Rock debacle, I haven't been hearing too much from "my people". I mean, if I can't book a gig playing myself, who are they to believe in me?

Thus, I attend these things called EPAs (Equity Principal Auditions)...and even worse, ECCs (Equity Chorus Auditions).

For those of you not in the BIZ, EPAs are for people who would be appropriate for a lead character in the show. At least, that's what they should be for. They're really just for anyone with a union card that wants to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to stand in a line at 7AM to sign up for an audition 4 hours later. The ECCs are for anyone who can carry a tune and wants to sell their soul for 30 seconds in the hopes of singing some harmonies while walking across a stage for $400 a week (ME PLEASE!).


Now, picture this:

There I was at one of those glorious ECCs for a production of Legally Blonde happening in the suburbs. I'd already had a pretty long day so I knew there would be trouble. As I was crowded into a room filled with the aforementioned harmonic hopefuls we were handed a small green card with a number on it and asked to fill in our name and "experience"...

HOLD ON HERE. I spend endless money on ink to print off resumes and staple them to really hot photos of myself that cost me more than a month's rent JUST so that you'll know my name and experience and you're going to ask me to write it on a small green note card instead?!

I held the note card in my hand and questioned my existence once again.

Then it happened. As I watched some dancer boys whip out clear labels with their resume information printed on them in 10pt. font to peel off and adhere to the small space on the note card under "experience", a fire inside my soul began to RAGE.

and then I did it.

take a peak.

----
Name:Tyler J. Baranski
Audition: Legally Blonde
Experience:
-I went to Northwestern
-I am blonde...
----

I handed over my card, entered the room, and sold my soul for 30 seconds.

Me: "Thank you" (*move to door*)
Casting Director: "So you're a Northwestern boy?"
Me: "That's right"
Casting Director: "And it says...you're blonde..."
Me: (*in the style of Jenna Maroney*) "...yup...legally...so...I guess I'm pretty qualified...enjoy your day!" (*EXEUNT*)

You can keep your $400/wk if I can keep my dignity.

Someday somebody's going to understand my humor.

That someday is likely far away.

I hope my parents haven't turned my bedroom into a craft room yet,

TJB: Making It