you're the one that we DON'T want

After starting off the week with a bang (caused by my head making contact with the floor) and hitting hump day with some weird alien show, I needed to end the week with a bang...

...this time the metaphorical kind that means I did something really well...

but as I rounded the corner for my Grease audition, I was greeted by the worst omen EVER.

the sing-and-talk-loudly-in-case-you-didn't-see-my-hair ginger

That's right folks! The very same ginger that now, in hindsight, I can see caused me to fall to the floor in my dance call due to the sheen of his ghastly red glowing mop top.

The hallway was empty except for him, me, and the audition monitor he was deep in conversation with...BECAUSE GINGERS CAN'T STOP TALKING.

When another boy walked up, the ginger was quick to assert his dominance and made it clear he had worked with this theater before and knew all about how they like to run auditions...that or he had just auditioned for them 5 years running and had figured out what hasn't been working. I'm hoping for that one, but I couldn't make him crack. Even the monitor couldn't correct the flame-throwing cranium.

I felt doomed...

because let me walk you through this:

I was already having a pretty solid (rough) week. My paycheck was dismal, my auditions were either atrocious or caused me to take long, hot sob-showers, and my mom kept texting me about taxes.

SO...in preparing for my Grease audition, I thought it would be a GENIUS idea to play a song on the ukelele during the scene.

Do I play ukelele? No.
Could I maybe learn in two days? Sure.

I call this my "personal self-destruct button". Based on my one-sided (not my side) conversation with the ginger, the audition room was going to LOVE (meaning HATE) this.

SO...I walked in with my ukelele, sat it next to the piano, sang my 16 bars they asked for, and prepared to pick up my ukelele and read the scene as they said,

"Thanks! That's all we need to hear today"

along with

"You smell AMAZING!"

I'M SORRY BUT HAVING A UKELELE IN THE ROOM AND NOT USING IT IS THE SAME AS HAVING A GUN ONSTAGE AND NOT USING IT! DO NOT DROP MY CURTAIN EARLY! WAIT FOR THE BANG!

but thanks, it's BVLGARI.

I grabbed my ukelele and burst out of the room directly into some girl from Broadway. She's the one who (spoiler alert as if you care) dies in Little Women...I guess that was her shining moment, but if you see her, you should tell her your opinion on switching from Chase bank to the Actor's Federal Credit Union. It seems to be high on her worry list because

SOME OF US DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM BOOKING SHOWS.

Dance Moms makes me wish I was 8 again,

TJB: Making It