snow woes

As my favorite season gets closer and closer with the first snow, I'm beginning to realize that everything I love about it seems farther and farther away.

Last year, I was touring the Midwest, going home for Thanksgiving, starting a new relationship, and closing in on Christmas with a full bank account and the world on a string.

This year, I've just lost a week's worth of wages thanks to a hurricane, another week's thanks to the flu, but still waiting tables in hopes of survival since my 4th chance at a non-male role in just weeks (including fairy, drag queen, transexual, and pansexual women) didn't seem to pan out.

I'd almost call it a niche, but I think I have to get paid for it first.

In a season that's supposed to make us thankful for what we have and what's to come in the New Year, I'm still looking back and feeling bitter.

At least I was able to attend the party at my apartment thanks to the hurricane. I was excited for a chance to bring people together and feel re-inspired by the stories of others. One of my first conversations went like this:

Them: "So what brings you to the party?"
Me: "I....I live here..."
Them: "Oh really? Where around here?"
Me: "No like...that's my bedroom...you're standing next to my bedroom."

Well, so much for inspiration.

But then I reconnected with one girl at the party who I had always admired in college. She was the person who, when I ran into her in NYC, I felt like a celebrity for knowing. She was tall, thin, and an amazing actress who I knew would be huge in no time.

It turns out she quit acting and moved back to Chicago because she realized being around the people and places that meant the most to her meant more than anything. I was stunned that somebody had the audacity to say something so selfless to my face.

But once I got past the initial shock of sincerity, I have to admit she got me where it hurts. Her statement caused me to do a lot of extra soul searching this week.

And that's how I got the flu, America. My body rejected the self-reflection.

Bitter is a fine color on me,

TJB: Making It