Personally Speaking

"Don't take it personally" has become one of my least favorite sayings, because everything really is personal. If somebody says, "It's not personal," then they wouldn't have to tell you because you wouldn't have been involved in the first place. Your situation actually had everything to do with you. More often they mean, "It is because you're you, but please don't be pissed because we'd all rather not deal with confrontation."

and that's fine to admit. I actually prefer to believe it's personal. It makes me feel more important. Controversial even.

But we've become a culture of not wanting to say, "No." We seem to have adopted "no unless you hear yes." That way, nobody has to be the bad guy and nobody's feelings (directly) get hurt. To say, "It's not personal," suggests that there was, in fact, a way that things could have been different if you just weren't you. That's even more insulting. 

Instead, we can build up a quiet resentment until we're forced to assume there were many other factors at hand and it really was nothing personal. It's that time of year, things are crazy, everyone's busy or on vacation, they would have reached out, but you understand. It's nothing personal. 

I was recently accused of not having feelings...about anything. I questioned if the interpretation of my lack of feelings was based on the fact that I do not let things greatly upset me. They took this as defensive. "It's nothing personal."

I was also recently told that I may be afraid to be the "bad cop", and that I should be wary of giving too much positive reinforcement to those doing a poor job in case messaging got mixed up. But it was just a note, nothing personal. 

I auditioned for an agent I had worked with before, but it wasn't going to happen this time. I was great, it was nothing personal.

These are three pretty specific personal situations. 

America, this is how we end up with bitter housewives who drink wine all day. Because we go through life thinking it wasn't personal and we couldn't possibly be the reason. They said we weren't the reason! In reality, we need to accept that we really sucked in a lot of situations. They didn't like you. It's OK not to be liked. 

Trust me, I'm thumbsed down like 500 times a day, but hey, somebody is trying to give me my own show. Who would have thought?

We all thought. 

The moral of the story? Stop wasting time on people who want to make it nothing personal. It's the people who want to make it everything personal that matter. 

Your feelings might get hurt, sure.

But you probably don't have them anyway. 

It's nothing personal,

TJB: Making It