Every now and then I'll get a LinkedIn notification that my profile has been viewed by somebody from the company. I like to think they're pleasantly surprised by my dashing photo. I'm sure they write me off as some asshole running antics. The sad part is, I'd be really great at the jobs I apply for.
I've had this problem since applying to colleges. I just can't take the process seriously. Job postings require one of two things: 1. Be a current student and let us pay you zero dollars, or 2. Have 5+ years at the most successful company in the field of work you're applying for. Sometimes they're like, "Tell us why you love our brand!" and I'm like, "Dear Company, I have never heard of your brand because you effectively do not exist in this market, but please read this amazing story about a time a third grader from Vermont inspired me to be a better person and I applied it to Public Relations."
Except it was all one fluid piece of prose that I actually sobbed over while writing.
Seriously, I applied for a lowly assistant position that asked for 5+ years at a Fortune 500 company. Who spends five years of their lives at a Fortune 500 company to then backtrack down to, essentially, a paid internship? These people are really capitalizing on the start-up F-the-man generation. I wrote that company a story about the problem with sending XXX Snapchats or something. It was intensely philosophical shit, trust me.
I guess I don't want to be a waiter for the rest of my life, but I also don't ever want to be one of the people I wait on that clearly hates their job so much. They are miserable people and they make me sad. Therefore, I will only accept a job that will hire me for actually being myself.
Sure, that means I will likely remain a waiter for a while longer, but remember, I'm the kid who wrote an apology letter for my application to the Dean of Admissions at Northwestern after they accepted me. And that all turned out OK.
Sorry Mom please keep paying my cell phone bill,
TJB: Making It
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