The new year was exciting until approximately 2 a.m. when I was left chugging a bottle of sparkling water found on my bedroom floor to wash down the three day old Chinese food that now coats my pillow.The holiday decorations are being ripped down to make room for snow covered trash, salted to Oregon Trail status. I've already ruined three pairs of shoes. The most eventful thing that will happen for the next three months? People sarcastically damning themselves for writing 2013.
It's been two thousand fourteen years. We get it. Change is hard. But we have a black president now, so just backspace and hit 4.
I made the mistake of waking up on January 1 and checking my student loan payments.
They've doubled.
There's something funny about White Privilege where your mind skips "get a second job" and goes straight to "prostitution". Do people still carry cash? I'll just camp out by an ATM.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling incredibly positive. Seriously, I wrote like...a really upbeat post. Then, I had a conversation about how awful it's going to be to turn 24 in March.
Guys, I've been 24 for nine months. There goes prostitution. I won't hit another niche market until I'm 40.
What the hell, 2014? How do I pretend to focus on my art if I have to make money full time? I tried that in Chicago and I was still as broke as my parents in 1983. I mean, if our children have to work as hard as we did, are we even progressing as a society?
Also, if kids can be pop stars, why can't they work in factories?
The fear of a new year brings so many unanswered questions. I guess that's the exciting thing about life. This time last year, I was still sleeping on my friend's couch, jobless and covered in glitter.
GOD, that was a comfy couch.
I'll just have to do what I did so well in college. Make up the answers and write an apology to my T.A. on the last page for not taking the class seriously enough due to my expansive life interests and dedication to the arts.
That's always good for a B+.
Sorry Northwestern,
TJB: Making It
