Before you even read this, do me a favor:Click the video link at the bottom of the post and then click the thumbs up "Like" on YouTube to vote for me. If you don't do it now, you're going to waste too much time laughing and crying for my soul that you won't be able to spend another second of your attention on me.
Done? Great. So let's talk about what just happened.
I was a little buzzed one night (approximate intoxication level set at 3 glasses of wine or 1 bottle if we're using the metric scale) and I remembered that a friend of mine had done a singing competition at a New York cabaret bar. I was fresh off of my second-round loss in Chicago, and I thought, "Let's keep this losing streak going!" I e-mailed the contest my headshot and resume along with a YouTube clip I filmed my first week in Manhattan, way back in 2011. Really quality stuff happening.
I expected to hear nothing. When I got the e-mail asking me to compete, I expected to win. That is until I learned some girl from Nebraska had been asked to compete that very morning as a result of a drunken night out with the contest organizer. My competitive nature quickly turned to self loathing (see: expression at end of video).
For most of the competition, I still thought I could win it. The host liked me, the crowd liked me, I wasn't funny, but I had more cheekbones than the rest of the contestants combined, and my jawline was casting shadows on itself. Plus, it was audience vote. I had managed to wrangle up quite a few supporters in comparison to the girl from Nebraska and the two Galinda covers who didn't even bother to stay past their 20 minute mutual masturbation of "Popular".
Then, she happened. A voluptuous black girl in a cheetah print dress with the best braids I've seen this millennium took the stage. Not even her lisp was enough to soften the razor sharp wings of the angels that flew from her lips as she sang "I'm Here" from The Color Purple straight into the drunken souls of 54 Below. As she was performing, a plastered girl in a red dress passed our table, looked me square in the eyes and said, "She should win."
All I could say in return was, "Preach.'
The crowd raised their hands to clap in unison as I raised my hand to order a second Manhattan in honor of the city that couldn't let me win. If I was going to lose, I was going to do it with a drink in my hand like a true professional.
Still, there's hope. If you click the video and Like it on YouTube, I could win the Wild Card and head to the semi-finals. I'm currently trailing the girl from Nebraska - what the hell, did her newspaper print the story?! - but I won't lose faith.
It wasn't even my good side,
TJB: Making It
