Gays have taught straight girls a lot of things. We've taught them how to contour, how to dance, how to do their hair, what to wear. Basically, we've kept them looking good for decades. I'm not sure how we failed to teach them that pretty gays do not belong with ugly gays, but also don't want to be the ugly gay in a relationship.
Every time a straight girls asks me, "Are you singe?" I visibly cringe. I give them a squinted side-eye and ask, "Why?" Without fail, they always say, "Because I know someone who would be PERFECT for you."
Sometimes, he has a half-sleeve tattoo. Sometimes, he's in nursing school, so he's really busy and couldn't help but gain a few extra pounds, but trust her, he used to be so hot and is so funny. Most times, he has overly waxed eyebrows and owns three shirts that aren't tank-tops, two of which are from college and only used to sleep in on the rare occasion he sleeps in a shirt.
Why can't one of them be an incredibly attractive (yet slightly less attractive than me) gay who likes to pretend he doesn't drink as much as he does, and would never let you catch him with bare arms unless he's on a beach although he'd probably look pretty OK topless, and he generally just wants to watch bad television and drink and hang out with my friends and have a nicer apartment than me so I don't have to sleep in a twin bed, but he doesn't have any cats, and can pay for at least half of the times we dine out (which is almost all the time) but is also an amazing grocery shopper for the times I want him to cook dinner (but I'll buy the wine).
WHY?!
Fine I'll go on a date with gay-brow,
TJB: Making It
