Fiji Fail

I had an audition this morning...sure I looked too young for the roles, sure it wasn't my vocal style, sure it mean I'd have to move to some state called Connecticut for a few months and probably get paid in jellybeans and skittles...but I wanted to kick its ass.

When I exited Penn Station (probably my least favorite subway stop ever fyi) I was dripping in sweat and my vocal chords were dry. I spotted a Duane Reade on the corner (I call it Walgreens) and knew exactly what I needed to nail the audition.

FIJI WATER

I was going to swag my way up to Ripley Grier looking like a champ, sippin my H2O like a pro, and weren't nobody gon say shiz.

Then I got on the wrong elevator...but don't worry, a very ornery young lady was nice enough to point out how irritating it was I had to take the right elevator up just one floor...she was a ginger with frizzy hair and terrible shoes and bad skin.

DON'T MESS WITH ME WHEN I'M IN MY AUDITION OUTFIT

Anyway, forget her. I arrived to the audition, they were running on time, and my vocal chords were soothed by the waters of Fiji. My Fiji water and I even had a good laugh at the case of Poland Springs water sitting on the bench. This was going to be great.

I entered the room like a ray of sun. They asked about my relation Christine. We had a good laugh. I sang my ass off. I owned my exit. The assistant outside raved. I took a seat to wait for more info.....

.....and then they thanked me for auditioning.....I could leave....

It took everything in my soul not to run back in and chuck my bottle of Fiji water at the piano. THAT WAS A $2.22 BOTTLE OF FIJI WATER! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GET ME A CALLBACK! YES I CAN PLAY LATE 20s!

and that's why my future solo tour will not be stopping in Connecticut.

Crawling back to Poland Springs,

TJB: Making It