Bowling n' Beers and yet Oh So Gay

 Saturdays on this tour are the WORST. By 3PM the cast had already exhausted the entertainment options for the day: Lunch at Big Boy, a workout a the YMCA, and another refusal to see Puss in Boots. We were forced to ask our I-coulda-been-in-pictures waitress the age old question:

"Is there a Big Lots around here?"

And by golly there sure was.

In a town that's still allowed to exist simply because Abraham Lincoln once said a few words on a balcony, you can always count on Big Lots.

Big Lots: if it ain't $2, it ain't worth buying.

As I filled my arms with a bag of tortilla chips, beef jerky, and a box of un-frosted mini-wheat cereal that I didn't even want but couldn't resist for $2, I wondered if this was all Saturday had to bring.

I remembered my publicist had recently sent me the cell number of my new Making It co-star and I decided that if there was a time to strike up a conversation, wandering around Big Lots was it. I figured we would need a trail of misinterpreted text conversations if we wanted any tabloid worthy drama in the future.

 Me: whattup?
Skippyjames: in the van
Me: where to?
Skippyjames: Champaign

HOLD. UP. Champaign, IL? That was only half an hour away from where our cast was currently wasting away. This called for a meet and greet.

Several text messages, a call to the publicist, and an alert of the paparazzi had the two casts scheduled for bowling...

because what else is there to do in the Midwestern region of Hell?

As we walked into the bowling alley, I could tell we were the most color this part of town had seen since the 60s. Suddenly, I was glad I had left my beautiful hounds-tooth scarf at home and opted for the navy hoodie instead of the lime green one. My blonde locks were already enough of a rainbow flag for the soccer dad on Lane 5. A bit nervous but standing tall, I looked to my Skippyjames and we both thought the same thing...

BEER

Thank GOD the corn-fed bartender had once starred in his high school production of Brigadoon. We were in good hands.

Not only did each cast member of both shows have a glass, they had their own PITCHER. This was going to be a night to remember...up until pitcher #3.

Once we realized bowling balls were being thrown instead of rolled and the Jesus look-a-like desk clerk was emptying the trash cans, we knew this party would have to continue elsewhere.

TO THE LA QUINTA WE GO!

...and that's about where it ends...at least as far as an accurate retelling goes...

There was a bottle of something...maybe 2, some board game that involved loud singing (perhaps unrelated to each other) and a van full of McDonald's wrappers this morning.

and since I woke up wearing a ring that wasn't mine, I'm guessing the tabloids will be talkin.

Mission accomplished.

Sorry for the picture texts Mom,

TJB: Making It


.