Tis' the Season

November 1st, 2012.

Today is the first day of the year that I can unashamedly blast Christmas music and put up decorations, though I've been doing it for a few weeks already. It is also the day that my rent is due, reminding me that I can hardly afford to eat. Starbucks has released their Holiday red cups which means I have to wait twice as long for my coffee. It's also the fifth day I haven't strayed more than two blocks from my apartment, but the first day I can.

A new season has arrived.


I have this philosophy that everybody (and by everybody, I mean ME) goes CRAZY at the transition of seasons. The fact that New York just survived a hurricane isn't helping. And like clockwork, as time approached midnight of November 1st, my emotions knew it was time to let loose.

Since I spent most of yesterday lying in bed shirtless, checking myself out in the mirror since nobody else was able to check me out at my Halloween party, I decided to submit myself to New York Model Management's Male Model Search. How did I find out about the search you ask?

Let's just say one has a lot of time to Google things while lying in bed shirtless.

The deadline for the entries was 11:59PM on October 31, 2012. I had just over an hour! I took this as a sign that it was meant to be. New York Model Management will probably take it as a sign that some drunk kid's Halloween party was lame...but the joke's on them because I was sober and my Halloween party was cancelled.

I paused for a moment in the midst of taking tasteful topless photos with my iPhone (you can tell I was taking this very seriously...duct tape was involved) and pondered what my life had slowly become. I decided that it didn't matter because someone was going to see past the amateur quality of these pics and see my inner potential. I have since decided this is completely untrue. I have since put my shirt on.

I'm probably not going to be a professional model any time soon.

So I woke up this morning...at noon...in another one of my "why get out of bed if you have no reason to" fits and began texting my agent expressing concern for my career

because THAT'S attractive.

Thankfully, he's a very understanding guy and suggested I go to more Equity Auditions...I decided maybe he was right...so I went back to sleep.

Why get out of bed if you have no reason to?

But then I thought. NO! NO TJB! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! So, I Googled some more things (shirt on this time) and submitted myself to another modeling agency.

The e-mail was returned as undeliverable. I took this as a sign as well.

A sign that it was time to move past my 2 block radius and reenter the world. I had to remind myself that life was still happening and I was still a part of it. I texted a friend I hadn't seen in a while and asked if he wanted to grab coffee. The response?

"I'm dating someone pretty seriously now, so I don't think coffee is the best idea. Did you survive the storm?!?!"

Maybe I missed something, but that was a pretty big "WHAT THE F*CK AM I EVEN DOING HERE?" moment in my life. 

I also got an e-mail invitation from my roommate saying that our Halloween party had been rescheduled for this Saturday night...which is weird because he was in the other room and I have to work this Saturday night...

that was another one of those moments.

I decided that maybe it wasn't time to break my 2 block radius and maybe I needed one of those Holiday red cups. So, I walked to Starbucks, and when I got there

realized I had left my wallet at home.

I turned my ass around and went back.

I hadn't even been a part of the new season for 3 hours and already my emotions were twice as devastating as Hurricane Sandy.

But when I walked back into my apartment, I took a long hard look in the mirror...took my shirt off...took one more hard long look in the mirror, and reminded myself just who I was

F*ckin' TJB bitches.

I don't care if I'm an actor, a model, or even an attendee of my own Halloween party as long as I can check myself out in the mirror and say "Yeah, I could do that."

So here's to the season of shirtless photos and Holiday red cups and getting hotter while it gets colder. Here's to one last chance at making 2012 the best year of your life.

Here's to the season of believing.

Deck those halls,

TJB: Making It