everybody has one, most people are one

I'm almost 25 and I'm not famous yet.

To be honest, I'm a little surprised. Well, my 18 year old self is surprised, but my 24 year old self is sort of like, "You haven't had carbs in 3 days? I'm really proud of you."

I remember seeing a former Northwestern theatre major's Facebook education change to Harvard Law. My heart sank as I thought, "Is that what will happen to me when I'm 25? I'll have given up on my dreams?"

When going to Harvard Law sounds like giving up, you are an asshole. But here I am eons away from Harvard Law. I wish I could teach the next generation not to be assholes like I was.

Scratch that, I thought about this for a 5 minute down-my-wine break.

They should be assholes. They're young, smart, and the prettiest they'll ever be. People still buy them drinks at bars. There are still movies written about their age group because there are still exciting things happening to them.

College kids, enjoy your asshole vanity to the max while you can still get away with it.

The trick? Just don't let people know you're an asshole.

I live with a guy I HATED in college. OK, hate is a strong word, but I literally left parties he showed up to. Don't feel bad for him, everybody else loved him. Was I jealous? No. I was 6'1 and blonde. But oh man, I ignored his entire existence. But then I had my face rubbed into the shit covered sidewalks of NYC and needed a place to live. My shit covered face ended up writing him a check every month. Now, I'm snuggled under a blanket on the couch next to him playing video games.

The point is, you will have to grow up and eat shit someday. Otherwise, people find out you're an asshole. By that time, you're balding, and there's nothing worse than a bald asshole (that is a person). But if I hadn't believed I was the best thing that ever walked the halls of every building I was in from the ages of 18-22, I wouldn't be where I am. In fact, people who were bigger assholes than I was in college are far more successful.

They're still kind of assholes, but they have a lot of hair left.

Do be ready to get called out on the way. Other assholes like to try and take you down by shining a light on your assholeness. Just agree with them. Assholes like to be agreed with.

And if being an asshole somehow fails you, and your world starts crumbling beneath your feet,

just try being nice. Not as fun, but typically yields the same results.

But always be pretty,

TJB: Making It