I considered working out today, but I decided to call Sallie Mae instead.And boy is my ass tired.
They're sweet talkers, I'll give them that. The conversation was very "Baby, It's Cold Outside".
Cue music.
Me: "I really can't pay."
Sallie Mae: "But baby, we'll either f*ck you now or f*ck you later. Point is: you're not going anywhere until we take you from behind."
At least having a loan from CHASE would feel appropriately titled. Owing money to a Sallie Mae is so emasculating.
This is the type of relationship I have to awkwardly bring up when somebody proposes to me in 10 years. "Hey, I really love you a lot, but there's somebody else that's had a choke-hold on my dick since I was 18, so..."
I just have to keep imagining the day when people will be reading this blog on their Kindle Apocalypse and both of my "You Pick Two" at Panera can be Signature Items.
I'll be so remotely famous that Time Out Chicago will review me and my parents won't have to ignore my texts for money.
I can see you read them, Mom.
I haven't had a drink in four days. Take THAT AA.
JK I had a martini yesterday but just one,
TJB: Making It
