I Didn't TOUCH That Cherry Tree

Imagine this:

Four founding fathers of America (that means olden-timey Presidents, so like pre-Obama) come together to form a rock-boy-band and travel the country to teach kids why they should care about the American government. Throw in a spunky black schoolgirl as the heroine and it sounds like award-winning theatre right?

Well, it's probably not...

but there I was auditioning for George Washington, the lead-singer of the group who makes girls swoon. I mean, TALK ABOUT TYPECASTING!

I was told there would be sides to prepare, so I showed up plenty early. I'm not sure why I thought the sides for a musical involving dead Presidents rapping about the American government would require a lot of preparation, but I did know that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with the other crazy auditioning schmucks.

and boy was it an experience.

As soon as I sat down, I learned who Chatty Cathy was. She was a pleasant looking Italian boy (you remember Jefferson was Italian right?) wearing khaki shorts. KHAKI SHORTS?! I'm sorry, but unless you have the calf muscles of a GOD, you should stick to pants for an audition.

This was the boy that thought his job was to sweet-talk the audition monitor as if this was just her temp. job because tomorrow she was casting the Book of Mormon...and we all know had THAT been the case I'd have been in her lap. Anyway, Cathy chatted with the monitor about their hangovers and what kinds of alcohol he can afford to drink the night before an audition and still sound his best.

You should know that prior to this "dream audition" for the role of a founding father, Cathy was extremely wasted the previous night from too many margaritas and still miraculously managed to attend an open call for a NYMF show that morning and SANG. HIS. ASS. OFF. I mean, the best he's ever sounded in an audition. EVER.

1. Remember this is an audition for a children's musical.
2. Remember that Cathy is an Italian boy auditioning for the young rock version of Jefferson.
3. Remember that I'm just listening as I prepare a scene in which I'm dressed in an eagle costume.

the AMERICAN DREAM here folks.

Just as I was relaxing into my amateur atmosphere, a muscular blue-eyed blonde boy came strutting down the hall...and he was wearing shorts...and he earned them. As the monitor handed him the sides for George Washington, I tried to stop imagining his calf muscles in George Washington's knee socks.

I was done for. The future George Washington of this award-nonexistant children's musical entered the room and I knew it was over. I had already seen one boy receive a callback so I knew that as soon as he excited Future G.W. would be handed his packet of materials by the monitor and told to return August 15th. Future G.W. exited and...

he left.

The muscular blonde boy picked up his bag, said his defeated thank-you, and exited the building.

Before I could run after him to get his number, I was called in.

You'll remember I hold what happens in the audition room sacred so I'll just tell you that I received a packet upon my exit.

See you August 15th bitches. Oh...except for you Cathy. Good luck on that NYMF show and slow down on the margaritas.

Stars and Stripes Forever,

TJB: Making It