I was just congratulated on being offered a job that would pay me $8/hr for being a door man/bell hop at a self-declared "anti-hip and therefore hip" new hotel in Chicago.
Oh, don't worry, it's a tipped position.
**channel sassy-black-woman persona to address head of HR**
But since your hotel doesn't even start "previews" until the middle of September and you're already selling your rooms on Groupon, trying to make luxury affordable for all walks of life, I can IMAGINE just how luxurious those tips are going to be from the people who didn't want to pay for a convenient location near ANYTHING.
Oh, you want this hotel to be popular among the neighbors? So every time I open the door for the old man that lives next door to come have his daily scotch in the bar, I'm sure he'll consistently hand me a George Washington (the role that still stings).
So if you could just re-read my resume and remind yourself that I have a pretty stellar GPA from one of the top universities in the United States and then think about the 2 iced coffees a week I'll be living off of because of your generous offer
and then stare into the eyes of headshot that I attached to my original e-mail and APOLOGIZE.
When you asked for young and attractive actors/models to submit for the position, you should have specified "desperate young and attractive actors/models who live at home with mom and dad" because you can't afford to pay for THIS.
My uniform better be slimming,
TJB: Making It
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