interGAYcial

I was recently having a chat with my perspective television producer and book editor and we all came to the same consensus:

This tour is getting a little stale.

I'll be honest with you. Viewer rates are still picking up after the URL change for branding purposes (Mom did you send it out in the family newsletter yet?) and hilarious scenarios are lacking ever since this company got their shit together. DAMN YOU PERSEVERANCE! In fact, I've even stopped receiving e-mails from random people who allegedly know me telling me how HILARIOUS I am.

Times are tough reader(s)...are we back down to just my mom? We are? Well...times are tough Mom.

SO. My publicity team and I decided we had a few choices:

1. Punch a cast member and get sent home...but this betch needs a paycheck.
2. Get another cast member to punch me and get sent home...but this bone structure will not be risked.
3. Number 3 actually happened but my legal team said I couldn't blog about it until we have sufficient evidence.
4. Introduce a love interest...but...well...wait a minute...

Ok so I couldn't argue with number 4. I mean, let's be real it's a little lonely on this tour and I'd love a little somethin' somethin' but I don't think my 2 night stay in Kentucky is going to turn anything into a storyline.

So, we would have to talk to casting.

Well, Making It is seriously lacking some diversity. Sure, we have the African Princess, but that's only two demographics. Producers suggested an Asian.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

no.

Wait, is Telly Leung available? No?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

no.

My editor suggested Indian. That way, we still play to that end of the world market but have more than one aesthetic option in casting. I agreed, but mentioned that Hinduism is SO 2007. They suggested we find a Muslim. I wasn't sure what the difference was, but it sounded trendier. I was game. The idea of a white Catholic boy dating an Indian Muslim boy did seem pretty controversial and left a lot of room for shenanigans at family functions. We would have to be cast by Thanksgiving if we wanted it to air in the first season. Thanksgiving with a REAL Indian...that'll be good.

Then, one producer suggested the love interest could be another actor.

WAIT. Casting an actor to play my actor boyfriend? I've already been so vocal about my disdain of actors, I wasn't sure that's the direction I wanted to head in...Plus, aren't they all doctors and computer techs? Is that even believable?! But my producer said that such a plot twist could create movie spin-off buzz...and we could probably get that kid from Slumdog.

Alright...alright...anything for the business.

Well, I said if we're going to make him an actor, we might as well just stick the knife all the way in. Let's make him an NYU CAP21 grad (breathe...breathe...breathe...)...at least THAT way we can stick to a straight up white and purple color palate and make it easier on the costume designer. We could even do something cute with the whole N(Y)U Bobcat/Wildcat thing...maybe we meet when one of us ends up at the wrong alumni event...

but they said we'd meet in Chelsea studios.

Oh gross, this plot line is making me cringe.

But what kind of a name do we cast for such a role? The kid from Slumdog refuses to do television. Due to the whole Glee buzz, my publicist thinks we should get a Broadway actor...but PLEASE I can't have a bigger name playing my BOYFRIEND.

We didn't need Broadway...we needed like...1st National Tour material.

So here I sit in a cheap hotel room sorting through masses of headshots and resumes from every Muslim Indian looking boy on a 1st National tour...

and by masses I mean like...one...

Well...I guess...I guess that's it...congratulations kid...you just booked your first future probably-never-happening television series.

We'll have the paperwork faxed on Monday. You start on Thanksgiving.

Contact Us Weekly immediately publicists...ok I'll do it myself. Start the rumor mill!!

I need to figure out who this Allah character is,

TJB: Making It