I BOOKED....wait what?

My heart was racing as I saw the unknown number flash on my outdated blackberry. I quickly stepped out of my office to take this important call. I could already envision my future on the road in a powdered wig as my trembling thumb pressed the green phone button. The attractive sounding young man on the other end introduced himself (the director perhaps!?) and began to offer me...

I paused.

"I'm sorry," I said, "WHO are you?!"

This was not the director of We the People. This man probably didn't even know what We the People was (I'm still not sure I do either). This man was calling me to offer a thrice-in-a-lifetime opportunity of touring with yet another children's theater production.

Have I ever mentioned I hate kids? Does this HAVE to be my niche God?! Do you hate my homo that much?!

Basically the gist of this job is this:

I move to a remote location in Illinois for a few weeks while I prepare that wonderful little show called Schoolhouse Rock LIVE! and another sparkling gem about kids being picked on...as if I want to relive my childhood 8 times a week. I would then tour the nation for 8 months to perform at what are no doubt the best elementary and middle schools in the world to teach ADD children about conjunctions and how to be a better person. Throw in a lukewarm weekly salary and...

A FREE gym membership? Now wait a minute we could have something here...

But hold on. I had to ask the real question: "I'm sorry sir, I don't meant to sound like an idiot but are you OFFERING this to me? You've never even met me"...

Apparently they just liked what I sounded like in an audio clip I sent them weeks ago and thought I looked pretty (which I do). Now THAT'S how to cast a show. But I couldn't just commit, I'm in high demand! I'm sitting by the phone waiting to be told my dreams are all coming true in a different cross-country white van. They would have to wait for my answer until Friday.

Is this my future?

Are you reading Bravo?

Who ate the rest of my Oreos?

A: My depression,

TJB: Making It