From Tyler J to Tommy J: a chronicle of chaos

To get what you want, simply plan your life down to the smallest detail so that getting what you want actually makes your life as complicated as possible.

That's how I work anyway.

I was out in the yard mowing the family estate (how masculine) sipping a Diet Coke (just took it down a notch) listening to In the Heights (we lost it) when I noticed I had received a voice mail from a New York number. Something in my gut told me I was about to get the shits...not THE shits, but you get it.

The voice: young, peppy, ringing with a terribly mislead optimism about the world...it was TheatreworksUSA alright. There they were to put a fist in my birthday cake and offer me the role of a lifetime...uh...the role of the week.

Thomas Jefferson. My favorite President. This was the man who coined the phrase "Once you go black" and I was being offered the chance to portray him for countless schoolchildren across the U.S...uh...across 6 states. BUT HEY! No rent for 4 months? I'll take it. And yes, you may pay me 10 extra dollars a week to sign up for a driving shifts, how very generous of you.

I spent the next few hours cancelling my life which included:

1. Backing out of the apartment I had almost agreed to take from a poor couple in a bind. Sorry you're poor, so am I.
2. Calling the agent in Chicago that seemed more than eager to sign me so that I could fulfill my dream of a children's theatre tour. I decided not to tell them this was better blogging material.
3. Cancel the multiple auditions I had scheduled for next week in Chicago including one I had already spent three hours memorizing piano music for.
4. Attempting to sell off my furniture at a moment's notice to my best friend so I can know somebody attractive is sleeping in my bed.

This is approximately the third time in the last 2 months that my life has packed up, turned a 180, and booked it out of town. Are you laughing yet God? Are your adult diapers saturated with divine urine because you've made my life such a clusterfuck?

I hope you chafe.

So there it is folks. Countless blog posts wasted trying to convince myself I could become famous in Chicago and now I just have to convince myself I can become famous after touring as a rockstar version of Thomas Jefferson.

IF THOSE LITTLE BRATS DON'T ASK FOR MY AUTOGRAPH, I QUIT!

Oh bee-tee-dubz I get my equity card. You non-theatre mudbloods are all "HUH?WHAT?" but you BFA sluts are all "OMGZ!NOWAYZ!"

George Washington better be a stud (and single)[and gay]{won't matter},

TJB: Making It