JK, things got worse.
What did you expect? If you're just jumping on the band wagon of this blog, I suggest you go back to the first post and start reading. You'll see a trend...a large...downhill...trend...that has no intention of changing.
We (the people) have been cursed since day one. I've been waiting for the call from the production company saying they've scrapped the rest of the tour, but I think they're enjoying the blog too much. We've already cost them thousands of dollars in cancelled shows, towing fees, and overtime...copious amounts of overtime...
But let's review the day. We were originally supposed to leave NYC at 3 p.m. to arrive in Nowhereville, CT by 6. Due to our recent luck, the company suggested we leave at noon. HOW RIGHT THEY WERE!!
I decided to try my luck behind the wheel and actually enjoyed driving Betsy Ross (that's what we appropriately named the bitch of a van). Betsy wasn't too keen on accelerating or going up hills, but we guessed that her 60mph cap would still get us to our destination in plenty of time.
But it seems to be that time of the month for Betsy...
Let me remind you that Betsy underwent an inspection on Monday but broke down on Tuesday to be repaired on Wednesday to be approved for safe driving on Thursday.
An hour into the trip, we again began to smell that burning everything. The engine light came on as if to say "F YOU IDIOTS! DID YOU REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE THAT EASY?!" We pulled over at an Applebees and decided to ignore our fate over some luke-warm boneless wings.
Then we decided to hold the sword ourselves as we ran into its blade. Back into the van we went.
Not half an hour later, Betsy began smoking like the overheated skank she was.
Oh, but hey, at least we were right next to that rundown rest stop in the middle of MURDERVILLE. Seriously, I've never seen a better location for a homicide. Thankfully, my cast member (the African Princess) told me she wrote a research paper on rest stop murders back at Ol' Penn State and assured me
that it was very likely we would be murdered.
We had no choice but to sit and wait as pawns of the low-budget theatre gods.
The company told us they would be sending another van from NYC.
WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON ONE SECOND! THERE WAS ANOTHER VAN!? ANOTHER VAN WE COULD HAVE TAKEN!? A VAN THAT HAPPENED TO BE PRACTICALLY BRAND NEW WITH BEAUTIFUL SEATS AND POWER LOCKS AND INSULATION AS WELL AS A WORKING RADIO?!
So who pointed their finger to smite us with Betsy Ross?
We sat at that rest stop in the pouring rain for 4 hours. In that 4 hours I sat on a bench...sat in the van...stood on a rock...sat on a rock...sat on a table...I even stood on the table...
and I pissed 6 times just to make myself feel like some part of being stuck at a rest stop was worth it.
Once the van finally showed up we happily jumped in and soared to our destination.
JK, are you kidding me?
We had to unload the entire set from the old van to the new van...in the dark...avoiding the hungry eyes of homicide.
But don't worry readers. I am safely in my hotel room. The 3 hour journey only took 9 and I can now kick back in the glorious LaQuinta Inn (that allows pets...lots and lots of pets...like...there's a dog race in the hall right now).
Thank GOD Connecticut has beer.
Shouldn't have laughed at Schoolhouse Rock,
TJB: Making It
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