I'm Contractually Obligated To Write This Post

You know those people you see in movies that sign contracts without reading them and you’re like “NO DON’T! READ IT! I know you’re excited you’ll be king for a day, but you know there’s fine print in there that’s going to screw you over!”

Well I’m that happy-go-lucky schmuck signing his life away. Make.Me.King.

I don’t think I could have looked any more naïve in a contract signing. Giggling, talking about Michigan, having no idea what the date is, and what the HELL is a W2? Is that a car? Who knows, but I think I own one now…

Maybe I shouldn’t have had that iced coffee. BUT I WAS HUNGRY!

The only time I paused was when the company manager said something to the effect of…

“and that comes out to about $10.50 an hour”

I’m sorry, what? Go back. $10.50 an hour? I just laughed at a hotel for wanting to pay me $8 an hour (plus tips don’t forget) to carry some bags, but for an extra $2.50 you think that justifies wearing a powdered wig and pretending to play the bass guitar in front of thousands of children? I don’t think so missy.

Oh wait what? You’ll pay $6.50 a week extra because you’re going to take pictures and film me? Well that changes everything. I mean, my E! True Hollywood Story is going to need some sort of footage anyway…

And $10 a week if I drive? I AM MAKING BANK!!

So that’s it folks…I signed my life away. I am now tied down to We the People until Christmas Day 2011 (I think our final performance is at the White House for Malia and Sasha Obama’s gift. It’s not? Oh, ok.)

So now all I have to do is turn in my copies to Actors Equity before the first rehearsal on Monday. But you know what America? I’m scared. I’m scared that maybe this fame thing is all happening too fast. Maybe I don’t want to walk into that Actor’s Equity building quite yet…maybe I should wait…

Because to be honest I hate walking into a building and having NO idea where I’m supposed to go so I’m a needz to google some shit first. Then BRING ON THE FAME BABY!

My mother keeps an excel spreadsheet of my blog’s view count.

Make her proud,

TJB: Making It